Teaching Children to Self-Advocate, Sooner Rather Than Later

By Daniel Schwarz, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist

The importance of advocating for ourselves in life cannot be overstated. The earlier that we teach children to be positive self-advocates the more likely it is that they will be able to assert themselves as adults. In many cultures and families, children are taught that adults are the authority in children's lives. Children may learn that it is not acceptable to speak up or question adults. Also, many children and adults are shy or introverted, making it uncomfortable and even anxiety-provoking for them to be speak up for themselves.

Learning to self-advocate means that we should encourage children to express their opinions, needs and preferences in a respectful way. This is important for all children, but especially for children with special needs.  The article, "Help Wanted? Get Accommodations at Work" by Scott Wilbur in ADDitude Magazine, Spring 2014, is a great resource for adults who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and/or Learning Disabilities. He describes the importance of self-advocacy as,  "the key that unlocks the door to achievement." I would agree and add that children learning to self-advocate is critical to their success in school and in life.

What are some important aspects of learning to be a good self-advocate? Children can learn to assert themselves in a positive and respectful manner. Assertiveness can be viewed as being on a continuum, of passivity and silence on one end of the continuum to aggressiveness on the other. Assertiveness lies in the middle of this continuum and has both verbal and nonverbal components.

Verbal aspects of assertiveness include the specific word choices that we utilize to express ourselves.The importance of word choice and approaching what needs to be said in a positive manner is important to teach children. It can often help children to practice out loud what they would like to say prior to approaching an adult or a peer. Role playing with a child can help the child feel more confident and clear about what they want to say.

Nonverbal assertiveness includes establishing direct eye contact, modulating our tone of voice and using  our body effectively to communicate. This is an often over looked aspect of self-advocacy. Helping children to look an adult in the eye can be an intimidating exercise, but it can be practiced when we greet or say goodbye to someone. We can also help children practice modulating the volume of their voices. Standing up straight when speaking to an adult and using our hands appropriately to express ourselves can be additional strategies to model with children.

Parents, teachers, school counselors and other adults can encourage children to be assertive and self- advocate. For students with special needs who have an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP), attending the meeting should be encouraged as soon as the parent, child and teacher feels it is appropriate. Children should be coached and prepared to attend part or all of the meeting and to express what they feel is working well and what aspects of the IEP need to be adjusted. The opportunity to self-advocate and ask questions in the meeting conveys to children that they have a voice that can and should be heard. A child should never be forced to attend an IEP meeting, but the option should always be presented. As a student enters high school, attendance at these meetings should become more of a priority. Including a high school student in post-high school transition planning becomes a more integral part of the IEP meeting and these students need to have their preferences heard.

Students who do not have special needs can self- advocate utilizing the same assertiveness strategies described above.  With ongoing support from parents, teachers and other adults, children can learn to be healthy self-advocates and develop self- confidence that will carry on into adulthood.


Daniel Schwarz, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Website: www.drdanpsychologist.com
215-646-3695

Learning to Relax Prior to a Medical Procedure (Effective Treatment for Anxiety)

Daniel A. Schwarz, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist

While some patients approach the process of a medical procedure with minimal or no anxiety, some patients may feel a sense of worry and even dread. The reasons for this anxiety can include fear of needles, “going under” from general anesthesia or the fear of experiencing pain and discomfort. Many of these symptoms are common for anyone who is approaching a medical procedure.  This is called anticipatory anxiety.

Developing coping strategies for anticipatory anxiety can be critical in creating a more comfortable and even positive experience as a part of having a medical procedure. Here are some strategies to consider:

1)      Ask as many questions of your doctor or the medical staff as you need to prior to agreeing to the procedure. Feeling informed and educated can be very important in decreasing any fears or anxiety. Examples of possible questions include asking what exactly will be done and how long will each step of the medical procedure will take. Discussing the options for pain management and discomfort during and after the procedure can be important.

2)      Try to understand your own anxiety. Psychological research has shown that people who take time to reflect on their own fears can prevent the anxiety from taking place.  Ask yourself what is the worst fear I have as I think about having a dental implant? Speaking about your concerns with your doctor and his or her staff can help prepare you and the doctor for your upcoming procedure. If you have a history of anxiety it can be important to let the doctor know about it. The doctor or the staff can answer questions and alleviate some of your fears.

3)      Once you have a more clear understanding of what you are fearful of try to have a conversation with yourself to help calm yourself. These inner conversations are normal and are like having a self-coach who is reassuring and encouraging. It can also be helpful to speak with a mental health professional about your fears if needed.

4)      Practicing relaxation exercises, such as deep breathing or diaphragmatic breathing has been shown to lower heart rate, blood pressure and symptoms of anxiety. Once you experience the ability to relax, you can approach your medical procedure with improved confidence. It is easy to learn deep breathing or diaphragmatic breathing. Start by finding a comfortable chair, couch or bed to sit or lie on. Place your hand on your belly and take a deep breath. As you breathe in imagine that your lungs are like a balloon, a three dimensional object that can inflate both outward and upward. As you breathe in you will feel your hand on your belly rise up slowly. That is your lungs expanding and is the signal that you are breathing more deeply. Once you have taken in a full breath hold it for a few seconds and notice the fullness of your breath and then slowly begin to release that breath. Feel the letting go of the breath and let it all the way out. Then take another full deep breath and hold that as well. Repeat the deep breathing a third time. Then continue to breathe normally. Listening to calm music can be helpful during your relaxation exercise. As you continue to breathe you can choose to take a deeper more full breath anytime that you wish.

5)      You can also begin to focus in your mind’s eye on a safe and positive place. Perhaps a place that you have been to before or that you would like to go to or have seen in a movie. This part of the relaxation exercise is called visualization or imagery. The safe place should include all of the senses. Ask yourself what you see in the place. What is there and who are you with or are you alone. What sounds are a part of this place and what is the temperature there?   Is it warm or cold? What does it smell like in your safe place? Perhaps the smell of the beach or water or of trees or flowers?

6)      You can also try to imagine a gentle wave of relaxation starting at the top of your head and gently moving downward into your forehead and eyes and then into your jaw muscles and chin. This gentle wave of relaxation can continue downward through your whole body until it reaches the tip of your toes.

Practicing each of these relaxation exercises twice per day can help to decrease anxiety and increase a sense of self-confidence. You can look at these exercises as tools that you can use, even during your medical procedures. There is always the option of medication to cope with anxiety and that option should be discussed with your doctor in advance of any surgery.  The relaxation strategies described above can often preclude the need for medication and should be tried prior to utilizing anti-anxiety medicine. These strategies can help to make the process of your upcoming medical procedure go more smoothly. Many of the strategies described above can be utilized in coping with anxiety symptoms in general.  For more information go to wwwdrdanpsychologist.com.