By Daniel Schwarz, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
The importance of advocating for ourselves in life cannot be overstated. The earlier that we teach children to be positive self-advocates the more likely it is that they will be able to assert themselves as adults. In many cultures and families, children are taught that adults are the authority in children's lives. Children may learn that it is not acceptable to speak up or question adults. Also, many children and adults are shy or introverted, making it uncomfortable and even anxiety-provoking for them to be speak up for themselves.
Learning to self-advocate means that we should encourage children to express their opinions, needs and preferences in a respectful way. This is important for all children, but especially for children with special needs. The article, "Help Wanted? Get Accommodations at Work" by Scott Wilbur in ADDitude Magazine, Spring 2014, is a great resource for adults who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and/or Learning Disabilities. He describes the importance of self-advocacy as, "the key that unlocks the door to achievement." I would agree and add that children learning to self-advocate is critical to their success in school and in life.
What are some important aspects of learning to be a good self-advocate? Children can learn to assert themselves in a positive and respectful manner. Assertiveness can be viewed as being on a continuum, of passivity and silence on one end of the continuum to aggressiveness on the other. Assertiveness lies in the middle of this continuum and has both verbal and nonverbal components.
Verbal aspects of assertiveness include the specific word choices that we utilize to express ourselves.The importance of word choice and approaching what needs to be said in a positive manner is important to teach children. It can often help children to practice out loud what they would like to say prior to approaching an adult or a peer. Role playing with a child can help the child feel more confident and clear about what they want to say.
Nonverbal assertiveness includes establishing direct eye contact, modulating our tone of voice and using our body effectively to communicate. This is an often over looked aspect of self-advocacy. Helping children to look an adult in the eye can be an intimidating exercise, but it can be practiced when we greet or say goodbye to someone. We can also help children practice modulating the volume of their voices. Standing up straight when speaking to an adult and using our hands appropriately to express ourselves can be additional strategies to model with children.
Parents, teachers, school counselors and other adults can encourage children to be assertive and self- advocate. For students with special needs who have an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP), attending the meeting should be encouraged as soon as the parent, child and teacher feels it is appropriate. Children should be coached and prepared to attend part or all of the meeting and to express what they feel is working well and what aspects of the IEP need to be adjusted. The opportunity to self-advocate and ask questions in the meeting conveys to children that they have a voice that can and should be heard. A child should never be forced to attend an IEP meeting, but the option should always be presented. As a student enters high school, attendance at these meetings should become more of a priority. Including a high school student in post-high school transition planning becomes a more integral part of the IEP meeting and these students need to have their preferences heard.
Students who do not have special needs can self- advocate utilizing the same assertiveness strategies described above. With ongoing support from parents, teachers and other adults, children can learn to be healthy self-advocates and develop self- confidence that will carry on into adulthood.
Daniel Schwarz, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Website: www.drdanpsychologist.com
215-646-3695
Licensed Psychologist
The importance of advocating for ourselves in life cannot be overstated. The earlier that we teach children to be positive self-advocates the more likely it is that they will be able to assert themselves as adults. In many cultures and families, children are taught that adults are the authority in children's lives. Children may learn that it is not acceptable to speak up or question adults. Also, many children and adults are shy or introverted, making it uncomfortable and even anxiety-provoking for them to be speak up for themselves.
Learning to self-advocate means that we should encourage children to express their opinions, needs and preferences in a respectful way. This is important for all children, but especially for children with special needs. The article, "Help Wanted? Get Accommodations at Work" by Scott Wilbur in ADDitude Magazine, Spring 2014, is a great resource for adults who have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and/or Learning Disabilities. He describes the importance of self-advocacy as, "the key that unlocks the door to achievement." I would agree and add that children learning to self-advocate is critical to their success in school and in life.
What are some important aspects of learning to be a good self-advocate? Children can learn to assert themselves in a positive and respectful manner. Assertiveness can be viewed as being on a continuum, of passivity and silence on one end of the continuum to aggressiveness on the other. Assertiveness lies in the middle of this continuum and has both verbal and nonverbal components.
Verbal aspects of assertiveness include the specific word choices that we utilize to express ourselves.The importance of word choice and approaching what needs to be said in a positive manner is important to teach children. It can often help children to practice out loud what they would like to say prior to approaching an adult or a peer. Role playing with a child can help the child feel more confident and clear about what they want to say.
Nonverbal assertiveness includes establishing direct eye contact, modulating our tone of voice and using our body effectively to communicate. This is an often over looked aspect of self-advocacy. Helping children to look an adult in the eye can be an intimidating exercise, but it can be practiced when we greet or say goodbye to someone. We can also help children practice modulating the volume of their voices. Standing up straight when speaking to an adult and using our hands appropriately to express ourselves can be additional strategies to model with children.
Parents, teachers, school counselors and other adults can encourage children to be assertive and self- advocate. For students with special needs who have an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP), attending the meeting should be encouraged as soon as the parent, child and teacher feels it is appropriate. Children should be coached and prepared to attend part or all of the meeting and to express what they feel is working well and what aspects of the IEP need to be adjusted. The opportunity to self-advocate and ask questions in the meeting conveys to children that they have a voice that can and should be heard. A child should never be forced to attend an IEP meeting, but the option should always be presented. As a student enters high school, attendance at these meetings should become more of a priority. Including a high school student in post-high school transition planning becomes a more integral part of the IEP meeting and these students need to have their preferences heard.
Students who do not have special needs can self- advocate utilizing the same assertiveness strategies described above. With ongoing support from parents, teachers and other adults, children can learn to be healthy self-advocates and develop self- confidence that will carry on into adulthood.
Daniel Schwarz, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Website: www.drdanpsychologist.com
215-646-3695
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